Jokes: Pinoy Style!
Child: Nanay, I saved money today. Instead of riding the jeepney I just ran alongside it.
Mother: Ay naku, you should have ran alongside a taxi to save more.
Hey, Wise Guy, what do you find in a clean nose?
You got me there, I give up.
Fingerprints, he, he, he.
Teacher: Class, let's do the hokey-pokey. You put your right feet in, put your right feet out, your right feet in…
Pupil: Ma'am, you have to say 'foot'.
Teacher: Okay, you 'foot' your right feet in, you 'foot' your right feet out…
Man 1: I am so fortunate. My wife is an angel.
Man 2: Good for you. My wife is still alive.
Wife: Honey, do you love me?
Husband: Of course naman because you are my wife.
Wife: Do you really enjoy my company?
Husband: Of course naman because you are my wife.
Wife: Sweetheart, you might be fooling me only.
Husband: Of course naman because you are my wife.
Dentist: I can't see you any more. Your husband is becoming suspicious.
Girl: But I love you.
Dentist: Sorry Sweetheart, your alibi is running out. There is just one tooth left in your gums.
Wife: Who is Susana in your dream two nights ago?
Husband: Oh, she's the horse in the races. I bet on her.
Wife binatukan the husband!
Husband: Why is that?
Wife: Because your horse called the house yesterday. She even speaks Tagalog. Humihingal pa ang animal!
Sign Boards in the Provinces:
Pampanga: "We Make Modern & Antique Furnitures"
Laguna: "Atty. Domino Cardo, Notary Public. Tumatanggap din ho ng labada kung Linggo."
Baguio: "2nd Floor Upstairs."
Wife's telegram to husband who works in the forest:
"My dear husband. I read that pollution is killing the trees and birds in the forest. And even the monkeys are slowly getting weak. Sweetheart, the latter reminds me so much of you. Please take care."
The Filipino Eleventh commandment is:
Thou shall not eat salt. - Because it's asin.
Doctor, please help me. I drank a bottle of insecticide.
Why, are you committing suicide?
No, Doctor, because I swallowed a cockroach.
Gago, stupid, you should have eaten a slipper instead.
Miss, I bought a bagful of sugar. Why is this labeled salt?
That is sugar. We just don’t want the ants crawling all over.
Sweetheart, whenever I have problems I always look at your picture.
Really, thank you for loving me so much.
No, Sweetheart, I just console myself that there can never be a bigger problem than you.
Email:
Dear Dad, please send me money because my clothes were eaten by the rats in the dorm.
No money, my Son, I will send you our cat.
Balikbayan: Miss, please give me one few two?
What few two? You mean puto?
Yes, yes, few two.
Okay, okay, what color do you want? Few la or Few ti?
At the cemetery:
Dad, are most of the people buried here raped?
What? Why did you say that?
Look at those signs, they all say RIP.
Who can take in more passengers, jeepney or ambulance?
Of course ambulance. Because a jeepney can take in only 6-6 on each side. An ambulance can take 50-50.
Father, forgive my sins. I stole five chickens.
Alright, for your sins, recite five Hail Marys
Father, make it eight. I will return for the other three.
Why don’t you get married? You are pregnant.
My boyfriend’s family doesn’t like me.
Who? His mom or dad?
No, his wife.
Miss, I want a birthday present for my wife.
Sir, how long have you been married?
Twenty-two years.
Bargain basement, Sir, is on the left.
Last month I brought my girlfriend to my millionaire grandfather.
What happened?
There, she is now my grandmother.
Wife – I warn you, do not come home drunk. I get turned off.
Husband – But Sweetheart if I am not drunk, I get turned off with your face.
Hotel: Good murrning Sir. Tsik-in pu kayo?
Hindi, Hijo. Noy-pi ako.
Pulis: Why did you throw the baby away?
Sir, my Boss said if there is no more pampers eh huggies ko na lang daw.
Mother: Ay naku, you should have ran alongside a taxi to save more.
Hey, Wise Guy, what do you find in a clean nose?
You got me there, I give up.
Fingerprints, he, he, he.
Teacher: Class, let's do the hokey-pokey. You put your right feet in, put your right feet out, your right feet in…
Pupil: Ma'am, you have to say 'foot'.
Teacher: Okay, you 'foot' your right feet in, you 'foot' your right feet out…
Man 1: I am so fortunate. My wife is an angel.
Man 2: Good for you. My wife is still alive.
Wife: Honey, do you love me?
Husband: Of course naman because you are my wife.
Wife: Do you really enjoy my company?
Husband: Of course naman because you are my wife.
Wife: Sweetheart, you might be fooling me only.
Husband: Of course naman because you are my wife.
Dentist: I can't see you any more. Your husband is becoming suspicious.
Girl: But I love you.
Dentist: Sorry Sweetheart, your alibi is running out. There is just one tooth left in your gums.
Wife: Who is Susana in your dream two nights ago?
Husband: Oh, she's the horse in the races. I bet on her.
Wife binatukan the husband!
Husband: Why is that?
Wife: Because your horse called the house yesterday. She even speaks Tagalog. Humihingal pa ang animal!
Sign Boards in the Provinces:
Pampanga: "We Make Modern & Antique Furnitures"
Laguna: "Atty. Domino Cardo, Notary Public. Tumatanggap din ho ng labada kung Linggo."
Baguio: "2nd Floor Upstairs."
Wife's telegram to husband who works in the forest:
"My dear husband. I read that pollution is killing the trees and birds in the forest. And even the monkeys are slowly getting weak. Sweetheart, the latter reminds me so much of you. Please take care."
The Filipino Eleventh commandment is:
Thou shall not eat salt. - Because it's asin.
Doctor, please help me. I drank a bottle of insecticide.
Why, are you committing suicide?
No, Doctor, because I swallowed a cockroach.
Gago, stupid, you should have eaten a slipper instead.
Miss, I bought a bagful of sugar. Why is this labeled salt?
That is sugar. We just don’t want the ants crawling all over.
Sweetheart, whenever I have problems I always look at your picture.
Really, thank you for loving me so much.
No, Sweetheart, I just console myself that there can never be a bigger problem than you.
Email:
Dear Dad, please send me money because my clothes were eaten by the rats in the dorm.
No money, my Son, I will send you our cat.
Balikbayan: Miss, please give me one few two?
What few two? You mean puto?
Yes, yes, few two.
Okay, okay, what color do you want? Few la or Few ti?
At the cemetery:
Dad, are most of the people buried here raped?
What? Why did you say that?
Look at those signs, they all say RIP.
Who can take in more passengers, jeepney or ambulance?
Of course ambulance. Because a jeepney can take in only 6-6 on each side. An ambulance can take 50-50.
Father, forgive my sins. I stole five chickens.
Alright, for your sins, recite five Hail Marys
Father, make it eight. I will return for the other three.
Why don’t you get married? You are pregnant.
My boyfriend’s family doesn’t like me.
Who? His mom or dad?
No, his wife.
Miss, I want a birthday present for my wife.
Sir, how long have you been married?
Twenty-two years.
Bargain basement, Sir, is on the left.
Last month I brought my girlfriend to my millionaire grandfather.
What happened?
There, she is now my grandmother.
Wife – I warn you, do not come home drunk. I get turned off.
Husband – But Sweetheart if I am not drunk, I get turned off with your face.
Hotel: Good murrning Sir. Tsik-in pu kayo?
Hindi, Hijo. Noy-pi ako.
Pulis: Why did you throw the baby away?
Sir, my Boss said if there is no more pampers eh huggies ko na lang daw.